Fitting into places you’ve outgrown
Though this blog is free of restrictions or boundaries, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that my audience is probably people in a similar phase of life as me; navigating that awkward transition from teens to twenties (even though you feel like you’re still twelve years old and there’s no way you’re approaching 20). So, with that in mind, I decided to broach a topic that can be difficult to nail down and, in my opinion, is not talked about enough- How are we meant to fit into places we have outgrown?
The context of this nagging question varies from person to person, but my first encounter with it was coming home from college for the summer. I am lucky enough to go to school out of state and the idea of returning home initially filled me with relief and contentment. I love Arizona, I love my friends at home, I love my family. Everything is perfect. So why is it that within a week of being back, I felt suffocated by my perfect home?
Being back in my childhood room and driving by the familiar sights that are so quintessentially entwined with growing up I felt overwhelmed by all the past versions of myself in this place. It’s as if all the growth and progress I had made this past year at school became obsolete the moment I stepped off the plane in Arizona. It is easy and comfortable to slip back into someone you used to be when you’re in that same environment. Arizona is my home and I’ll forever be tied to it, but reverting back to my past self simply is not gonna work for me for the rest of my life.
So, what the fuck am I supposed to do about all of this? This is the question that sparked my inspiration for this blog. Yeah me and my friends talk about it and I’m sure you and your friends talk about it too, but for something that it seems like everyone struggles with, why is no one REALLY talking about it? So, let’s talk about it!
This might seem like an obvious solution but it was one that took me a while to reach- don’t force yourself to fit into the life you used to live- even if it’s uncomfortable. For example, on a Thursday night, I decided to go out with my group of friends to a popular bar. In theory, this is a fun night out, except for the fact that this bar was jam-packed full of people from high school who I didn’t really know and didn’t really like. Past Tara would’ve lied to herself and said this was fun and then she probably would have gotten blackout drunk and ruined the night for all her friends (more on that later). However, instead of accepting this fortuitous path as my fate, I decided “I’m not having fun anymore” and then I Irish goodbyed.
This leads me to my second point- it’s okay to outgrow people the same way you outgrow places. This can be a difficult pill to swallow because a lot of the time there is no big dramatic catalyst that ends these types of friendships, it’s more so that you were simply suited to be friends when you were both different versions of yourselves. When you try and force these friendships to return to their natural rhythm you are subsequently pushing yourself backward in your self-growth. However, I don’t view this as a sad loss because there is something beautiful in the way that people come and go in your life and leave a bit of themselves with you.
The last piece of advice I will leave you with is this: you have the ability to reframe the situation. So what you’ve outgrown this place? So what your friendships and life aren’t the same as the last time you were here? Now you have an opportunity to see what home looks like from the perspective of the mature, intelligent, and cool person you’ve become. Which, to me, sounds even better (unless you peaked in high school lol then get off my blog) (that was a joke).
That’s all I have for now, thanks for reading. Chat with you soon!
